laughing and recounting the events of the day with a friend. how that woman showed up and my friend and I fought over which of us was going to get up and let her in. then I start in with how John and his roommate were likewise arguing over which of them was going to give up their bed so the "grunting woman" could give birth. but it's suddenly apparent that part was a dream I'd been having. and with my friend's confused stare i realize it was a dream within a dream.

dirty water. at one point I was washing with it, my arms, my crotch. out of an orange bucket that stood in the middle of a wooden floor. and I knew it was dirty. fecal waste. germs. sticky brown paper stuck to my fingernail. I scrape at it and catch myself biting the nail. like the paper that is stuck to the sidewalk now from the snow. I saw a man the other day scraping at it trying to get it up. at the end of the dream I rub myself with hand sanitizer explicitly desiring to wake up clean.

A conference/ self help event. There doesn't seem to be enough workers at each how-to segment so we spend lots of time standing in line and keep slightly missing things. My mom & I in line waiting for the tarot event then realizing Monica is missing when we return to the line most of the attendees are heading into an auditiorium for a discussion. At one point mom was in another room--I could see her sitting then later pacing. But I wanted to do the color test. Waiting in line I notice Monica is helping out giving the tests but she is annoyed, wanting to go off into the next room herself, when I arrive wanting her help. It's looking at colors that fit with your skin tone. A man makes me promise never to wear the yellow dress I have on again. Lot's of promises. They'll print out a long list of things they want you to promise and give it to you with a book describing everything about the event in case you missed something in the rush. Finally, we get to the other room & mom is gone. Walking a dirt road searching for her, headed home we run into Phil. He's crying. the new woman has left him & he's talking to a dark haired man. He has to clean up and move out. Wants me to come in and help but I don't.