12/4/02
we were driving listening to the radio. watching the night start to settle in. the country side was green and leafy and the sun settling on it left copper. we needed to talk. we came from a tight community and now the bad guys held it offering to exchange the women for the men. except us. the turns, as we completed them and faced another tall leafy block ahead, worked like a maze. another dramatically lit green surface. another vast and darkening lane. and suddenly we realize we'd forgotten. we'd been lulled into forgetting that we had dropped out of our real lives and were hiding here in this community. they'd give us in. I wake up to the news. Odd, I'm not usually a man when I dream. It was beautiful. All those curves and walls and valleys where we never seemed to arrive. and hitting snooze I sink back into it. i realize why i don't quite recognize the turns. he's not going back. we couldn't go back.

phil, wearing a white button down shirt, came up to me while I was leaning up against the wall reading a magazine and told me he was going to tell me the entire truth about an event. But why? We weren't together then. Then I was sitting on my bed & Myra, my cat, wrapped her arms around me and rocked me back and forth.

I was awake lying there listening to the night when I heard a high moan warbled. "uho uho." then there was this flab flab noise like someone with flippers scrambling up the street. "uho" further away. Then the dog started wimpering in her sleep.

I'm at work and walk out a door with just the right light and notice that there is a walkway I had never noticed. It is a place to store supplies but since it could be visible to customers, it has been obscurred with light. There are boxes and then as I step inside, couches and doors that apparently lead to other parts of the building and I am unsure how the people who see the space from the inside aren't expected to remember it's existence when they are in the store.

a coworker, John, was doing something at his desk, my view of him obscurred by a door. I asked him to give me the email for a friend in China and the phone number of a friend of his who was recently let go and who I miss. Woke to the realization that I will have to ask again when I see him at work.

my sister was involved with my father. i think he forced her to marry him. they'd sleep in bed with my mother (who is in reality dead). i decided she needed to get out so we started packing but i got caught up in packing my things from a glass cabinent. i knew it was stupid there was nothing in there that really mattered...a box of powder i never used. shaving kits. nothing that was so needed that it should be allowed to delay the escape but i packed and packed yelling at myself in my head for being so slow.

myra's foot was broken. cracked in half like a shoe losing it's sole. Apparently the way to fix it was to hold the top part down onto the bottom until it readhered. she and I both pushed on it.

last night
I was babysitting for a family I sat for in high school. Only now they had one kid fewer. I knew they were in the process of removing furniture etc. out of one room intending to separate the girls, but most of the rooms seemed destroyed. And there were dirty dishes in strange places like displayed on the window bench. I took the older girl across the street to watch tv.--that didn't seem strange; it was still part of their place like a city with a river running across it is still one soul. When we got back I suddenly couldn't be sure we had taken the baby with us. Had I left an infant alone? She looked ok. I checked quickly through the house looking for signs that she'd been harmed or had broken something. Came across more dishes. Did they expect me to do them? Decided that I didn't need to tell the parents that I might have left her behind (I couldn't seem to remember if I had left her or taken her but decided to act as though I'd left her.) The lapse in diligence meant my deciding to do the dishes. Luckily I woke before starting that task.

It must be because I saw them yesterday. So I had just left Wendy in a room (I think ultimately they were dressing up in strange hair in there. The length of time... people didn't leave so maybe it was a class.) I went into the connected restaurant. I had sat down at a table in the foreground and had ordered my sushi? when they walked in. Hope that they would leave filled me as I shrank to be less noticeable. They sat at a table by the door. Then I turned my head and on turning back found them at the table next to me. The move was obviously due to the table by the door being reserved since it was filling up with children and balloons but I took it as a hostile act. I threatened. They must have pushed me somehow, a smile maybe, or I just perceived they had. I can't quite grasp what my first action was but the second was the threatened spit in your food.

8/3/2002
I saw a jackalope!!! It was just as I was falling asleep so I had to wake myself up and remind myself to remember. It was larger than a jack rabbit and not really like an antelope at all but I knew that was what it was. A gray color and maybe it had little pink dots.